“People assume that because I have a disability I’m not interested in sex. That’s just wrong”

For Joel, identity has never been a box to tick – it’s something to grow into, something to own. Now 47, Joel uses they/them pronouns and proudly describes themself as non-binary, someone who doesn’t fit neatly into ‘male’ or ‘female’. It’s a truth they’ve carried most of their life, even if there wasn’t always the right words.  

“I was born in a female body, but I’ve never really identified as female,” Joel says. “I’m just me.”  

Growing up, Joel didn’t always feel seen – not by society, and sometimes not even by their biological and foster family. “I was given a male name at birth, but I never asked why,” Joel says.  

“I don’t have much contact with my biological mum and my biological dad has passed, so I’ll never get an answer, but I’ve learned to just deal with it. As I said, I’ve always grown up just being me.”  

And part of Joel’s “me” is their love of performance arts, which they get to indulge each week at Melba’s Arthur Creative – a dynamic arts space for artists with disability in Ballarat.  

“I’ve been with Arthur Creative for 10 years now, and they’ve helped me feel comfortable in my own skin,” Joel says.   

“They’ve given me confidence – and I thrive on confidence. I’m now training to be a facilitator. I love teaching and I love seeing the group happy. That makes my day.”  

Arthur Creative has become more than a workplace for Joel – it’s a “tribe”, a chosen “family” that supports each other and gets things done. But there are still parts of life where support and understanding are missing – especially when it comes to sex and intimacy.  

People with disability are adults, not children, and we have adult needs like anyone else

“Sex and disability gets swept under the carpet,” Joel says. “People don’t want to talk about it, but we should. People with disability are adults, not children, and we have adult needs like anyone else. One of my main goals is to always treat people like adults – because that’s what they are.”  

Joel believes society still has a long way to go in recognising that people with disability want and deserve intimacy, relationships and love – and to explore their sexual identity.  

“People assume that because I have a disability I’m not interested in sex,” Joel says. “That’s just wrong.”  

“This is something I’m very passionate about. I want to be a voice for others who may not feel they can speak up.  

“My message is simple: don’t treat us any differently – because we’re just like you.”